My testimony. My story. I don't know what to call it.



Growing up I knew there was a God.  I didn't know Him and I wasn't even really sure He existed.  As I got older I realized that God was one of many options out there.  Like any human, I needed an explanation for why I was here.

You see, I believe that we all have eternity in our hearts and we search for an answer to it.  At a young age, I remember asking God laying in bed one night if he was really there.  I asked Him to give me a sign so that I would know if He truly existed.  I didn't get my "sign".  I also never felt His presence in my life.

When I got to High School I learned about evolution in my Science class.  Sure, it fit.  I didn't have anything to back up a belief in God and evolution made sense to me.  Evolution was my explanation for the longing I felt in my heart to know where I belonged, where I fit in to the story.  It would be my explanation until I turned 27.

At 22 years of age I would graduate college, get married and start a career.  I married one of those so-called Christians.  He didn't talk about his faith much and didn't seem to care that I wasn't a believer.  I remember him talking to me about it a couple times, but I was so against it that I would shut the conversation down.  My husband wasn't living like a Christian and would later admit that he used me as his excuse to stray from God.

And then there was Bean.  Having a kid changed everything and when I found out I was pregnant with Ida at 26, it changed even more.  I was still working at that time.  I cussed like a sailor, worked with bad guys all day and had no compass to live my life by other than what I felt was right and what Dr. Phil and Oprah said.  All things considered, I was doing pretty darn good if I do say so myself.  I had a firm set of values that I was raised on, a persevering heart and a great group of family and friends.  But, I didn't know what I was missing out on.

To make a long story short, a training at work led me to making the decision that I should quit my job to stay at home and go to church.  Looking back it's clear to me that a certain Someone was grabbing ahold of me in a big way.  And He knew that my kids were the way to my heart, since everything He was telling me was the opposite of what I thought I had planned for my life.

We went to church.  We got hooked.  I got saved.  My husband renewed his relationship with Jesus.  Our lives became renewed, restored and forever changed because of this.  I'm doing everything in my power not to screw it up.  I don't ever want to go back.  It really is like Jesus gave me the key to unlocking an entirely NEW life.

I really thought I was doing fine before I met Jesus.  And ya know what, by the world's standards, I probably was.  But let me say this.  Jesus has transformed my life.  I'm still me, sure.  But now I have the Holy Spirit helping me a long, each step of the way.  Not to mention the FACT that I have eternal life with Him...just sayin'! 

Each one of us has a story.  One that is unique to us.  One that God desperately wants to take control of.  In my experience, it's best if you just let Him.