After I had my daughter, Ida I decided that two kids was enough. My husband and I decided that this was the direction that WE wanted our life to go in. I figured two was a good number and heck, we got one of each, what more could we ask for? We figured that if at some point down the road we wanted another child we would adopt. It seemed logical.
I wouldn't become a believer of Jesus until 6 months after my tubal ligation. I thought my plan was best. I regret it. Four years later I find myself sad that I made that kind of decision without consulting God first. I don't want a bunch of babies, I barely made it through two. I am not having baby envy. I don't think I want anymore, but there is a reason God is putting this on my mind. I don't have a lot of regrets in my life and I'm not one to beat myself up, however God has taught me a valuable lesson through this.
So many times in our lives we make our own plans. We think that we have it all figured out and we forget to ask the One who gave us life, the One who already has a perfect plan all laid out for us. We don't know better and when we think that we do we take our lives off of HIS course.
I think I was supposed to leave this decision up to Him and adoption doesn't feel right. Well, at least I can rest in the assurance that He still has big plans for me. But please, please Katie....don't forget to ask God first.
Do you have regrets? Take them to God, he'll get it all figured out. I will try and wait patiently for my answer. The fact that I am impatient isn't going to help much.
I so know how you feel. We both regret J's vasectomy and then I went and had an oblation of my uterus where they burn the lining due to heavy cycles. Double insurance I thought. Double sadness is more like it. The vasectomy could have been reversed, and though I tried taking Chinese herbs to grow back the little bit of lining I had, the odds are stacked against us. We were Christians but so many Christians cut off their "seed" even though clearly God said many times Go forth and multiply. That is how other "religions" spread their doctrine by large families, but we who know the True God cut ours off. I do know places you can go to get your tubal reversed. I am sorry. It is a tough road and that is why I was so passionate about that message when I was leaving MoPS and they let me have the microphone. BTW I do have baby envy, I hoping to find an abandoned one somewhere. I've got my eyes open. :)
ReplyDeleteGod treasures up all your learning in your walk Katie. Love you and will pray for you to release even this to Him and find peace now that you have learned this lesson.
ReplyDeleteI am sorry for your heart ache. But I am thankful for your willingness to share. I am in the thick of it right now, with my children ranging in ages and offering lots of overwhelming responsibility. It's easy for me to think "I wish I could stop it all" But knowing the many friends I have that can't have any or any more for some reason or another- it gives me a harsh reminder to be thankful. And I am. I'm thankful for my little ones, and ever so thankful for friends who will share their struggles so that mom's like me can learn to cherish every moment and not come to regret wasting time with them later in life.
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